User talk:Jd2456
Welcome Hi, welcome to ! Thanks for your edit to the Endless Nightmare page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Violation of these rules will result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out the Article Listing or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. Do not forget to add any story you create/upload to the Article Listing. If, after 30 minutes from adding a page, you neglect to put that page on the Article Listing, you will receive a 1 day block as stated in the rules. This is not the same as adding it to the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content; something that you wrote instead of found on the internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page as per the rules. If you mark a page as OC and do not add it to the User Submissions page, you will be warned first then blocked from editing for a day the next time it happens. The OC tag will also be removed. The same thing goes for putting a page on the Submissions and not tagging it as OC. This does not count as adding it to the Article Listing, though. This is an extra step for OC. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! -- Sloshedtrain (Talk) 03:05, November 1, 2012 Sloshedtrain (talk) ( ) 04:38, November 1, 2012 (UTC) Hello I had just read one of your stories and it was good. More science fiction than horror, which is why I am writing you. I have a story on this site which is also more science fiction, but it is rather long. If you would be kind enough to give me a review on it the story is [To the Moon. Please give it a shot and let me know what you think. Best, JohnathanNash (talk) 01:23, June 21, 2015 (UTC) Thanks bro. I'm more concerned if people like it or not, so that is where I need the most help I feel. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:49, July 7, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story The story has some pretty big issues with punctuation, wording, and the storyline itself. Punctuation issues: a number of complex sentences are lacking commas/semicolons: "As I sit here with the sound of my breakfast being crushed by my teeth(,) I can’t help but feel that something is off.", "Once I finished munching on my bowl of cereal I begin to saunter out the door, as I head off to work.", "Maybe it’s to get home as fast as I can or maybe it’s just to out run (outrun) this feeling.(;) I’m not sure." Wording issues: " Could my own tiredness cause me to fully (sic) such vile dread.(question mark needed as it is a question. Even rhetorical questions need proper punctuation.)", "Terrorfied (terrified,) I run.". "It’s formless(double space not necessary) body swirling in the darkness." (Its) It's=it is, its=possession. Story issues: A lot of it is over-written and the word choice seems out of place at times. "The bodiless whispers of the night speak softly in my ears as the darkness swirls around me. I get up out of bed and hurriedly slice through the dark abyss." 'hurriedly slice through the dark abyss' just comes off as a bit of purple prose. "In that darkened room the only thing keeping the veil of darkness from engulfing it all was the light of TV screen as it floods towards my face.", "boringly monotonous" imply the same thing. While it can help in some situation, over-writing a story can really weaken a story. (See "Blood Whistle"). The ending: the cyclical ending really feels out of place. It's referenced lightly in the story: "As I ponder the surprisingly frequent recurrence of customers(,) a man approaches me.". It just comes off as odd that the being would force the man to repeat his day ad nauseam. It has a The Strangest Security Tape I've Ever Seen-feel, but the lack of repetition and build-up really pulls the story down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:21, July 7, 2015 (UTC) :The issue with the cyclical ending is how does it really benefit the being? Why is it forcing him to repeat this day? What is it gaining by doing this? EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:41, July 7, 2015 (UTC)